Joshua Allen's Layer 1 Commentary

I’m in Touch with Your World, Cap’n Whiskerpants

It’ll be interesting to see how many volleys today end up being Threadless t-shirts worn by unshowered young men who roll their eyes at my Sleigh Bells shirt because like really? It's October. That band is done.

And I’m all: My main man, I don’t even know what Sleigh Bells means aside from, you know, actual yuletide jingle instruments that bring delight to children all over the world, but the guy at Urban Outfitters said it’d get me alternaskirt by the bushel! And dude’s like: You want the stone foxes? You sport THE INTERNET IS AWESOME INDEED IT IS shirt. And he doffs his Members Only jacket and bam thwok my mind is seared clean with stars and lasers and bug-eyed talking kitties.

And for a moment I forget about the YouTube comments and Perez Hilton and 3 Girls No Cup (oh god, you guys, it’s horrible, they don’t even have a cup in this one) and Twitter and remember that, yes, by gum, the internet is awesome.

So, an excellent opening volley from Jessica, although a couple points deducted for jumping on the 3-D bandwagon. C’mon, you guys, just let the work speak for itself. No need to gussy up your — oh my god, that cat is right in my lap! Cap’n Whiskerpants, I love you!

Play by play commentary for this match is provided, as it happens, by Joshua Allen.

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